Self-esteem is a person’s overall view of one’s own abilities and values. Children that have high self-esteem are more confident in themselves, in their ability to do things, more eager to try new things, take risks and face failures. They are more likely to ask for help and advice, are less likely to be shy or withdrawn. They like themselves, they like others and they feel good in their own skin.
When children have low self-esteem, they feel inferior, as though they are not good enough. They feel as though others do not want them around – that no one loves them. They feel incompetent, unable to do things well or correctly. They believe that others consider them unintelligent and worthless.
Tips to build self-esteem
The self-esteem of children is greatly influenced by how their parents treat them. Here are 10 tips to improve your child’s self-esteem:
1) Show lots of love and affection
The best way to raise self-confident children is to give them lots of love and affection. Hugging your child when he or she is feeling sad, celebrating their achievements and helping them solve their problems are all ways to show love and affection. Providing your child with lots of love and affection will make them feel loved, secure and confident.
2) Be attentive and present
It is important for parents to be consistent and attentive to their children. Neglecting your children or being inconsistent can cause more problems than it solves. Being attentive means making eye contact, actively listening to what they have to say, and setting aside distractions.
Being attentive to your children also means noticing what they are doing. If they are doing something that could be unsafe, make sure to correct them. Parenting will always involve some level of discipline. However, it is very important to make sure that your discipline comes from a place of love.
3) Allow decision-making
Allow your children to make decisions for themselves, even when they are very young. You can start giving your toddler choices as soon as they can start to communicate. Allowing your children to make their own choices, even if it seems inconsequential, will help them develop autonomy and self-confidence. You may be tempted to make the decision for your child, but it’s important to allow them to make their own choices as soon as they are able.
Make sure that you are encouraging your children to make healthy choices rather than indulging in unhealthy ones, e.g., don’t allow them to eat too much candy, fast food etc., but do allow them to enjoy healthy snacks like fruit and vegetables instead; don’t always give in.
4) Mistakes are good learning points
They can help your child become more confident and self-aware. Mistakes are how kids learn, and they don’t need to be avoided at all costs. Kids need to be allowed to make mistakes so that they can learn from them. Letting your child know that you’re there to support them and help them learn from their mistakes makes them less scary.
You can also use mistakes as a teaching opportunity. If your child makes a mistake, don’t scold them. Ask them what they might do differently next time. Mistakes are good learning tools, after all.
5) Encourage independence
Provide them with the right tools to encourage independence from young. From the time they are born, parents can help their child become more independent by encouraging them to explore their environment and experiment with the things they find.
By providing your child with toys that spark curiosity you can help them become more independent. As they grow and develop, kids have the opportunity to learn how to do things for themselves. Providing them with the right tools, such as organized labelled baskets and bins to keep their books, stationary supplies and toys, helps them get started.
6) Praise the positives but don’t overpraise
Encourage and praise their achievements and effort, no matter how small they are. Don’t focus on the negatives. (“You did great! You only missed one question out of all the questions in your test!”)
It’s good to praise your kids, but make sure you’re not overdoing it. Research shows that when parents overpraise their children, those kids have lower self-esteem and a lower view of their own competence compared to their peers. When you praise your child, make sure it’s specific and sincere. Avoid cliches like “You are amazing!” or “You are the best!” because kids can hear through those false praises and think that you’re not being sincere. Instead, praise something specific about your child. For example, “I really liked how you stayed focused on that task for 15 minutes.”
7) Acknowledge their emotions
You might be tempted to rush in and fix the situation as soon as you see your child have an emotional outburst, but it’s important to let them openly verbalize what they’re feeling. Doing so will help them process their emotions and find clarity.
You can also acknowledge your child’s feelings with phrases like: “Looks like you’re feeling really frustrated. What’s going on?”
Providing your child with a non-verbal acknowledgement can help them feel validated and understood. Things like nodding your head, making eye contact, and taking a few deep breaths all send signals to your child that you understand how they’re feeling.
8) Avoid negativity and comparisons
Avoid being negative and critical of your child. Avoid comparing him/her to other children, or constantly pointing out what he does wrong or what he has done wrong in the past. Avoid using “shoulds” when talking to your child such as “You should be more careful with my things!” or “You shouldn’t have done that!” Instead say “I would appreciate it if you would be more careful with my things.” or “I am disappointed that you did that.”
9) Be a role model
Being a good example for your children is crucial in helping them grow into happy and successful adults. As a parent, you have the power to set an example for your children through your daily actions. When they see you being kind, helping others, and working toward your goals, they will want to do the same.
10) Be supportive & encouraging
Children are always trying to find their place in the world and learn how to navigate the challenges of growing up. They look to their parents for guidance and support as they make their way through these tough transitions.
Kids want to know that they have their parents’ approval and acceptance. They want to feel like they are valued and appreciated. Encourage your child to do the best he can and to set goals for himself/herself.
Conclusion
As parents, we play an important role in developing and nurturing our children to be individuals with high self-esteem and self-confidence. Parents who show affection and attention tend to raise children with high self-esteem. Parents who criticize, ignore or don’t pay attention often produce children with low self-esteem. With the tips above, you can help your child to be more confident of themselves from a young age.
Are you trying to build your child’s self-esteem whilst dealing with the terrible twos or toddler temper tantrums also? Check out these 8 tips in handling toddler temper tantrums effectively.
